We need to remember that today’s children are tomorrow’s
adults, and a good grounding will groom them as responsible youth. In the wake
of the recent extreme sexual harassment cases against women, such as rape, it
becomes more important to sensitize your child towards gender-based atrocities
and develop a mindset that will not favor such acts. Gender sensitization
among kids can be consciously practiced to bring them up in a gender-neutral
environment.“Gender is a very important facet of our identity. It should be
tackled in a sensitive manner and given attention as it is essential in
building healthy relationships,” says Dr. Preeti Singh Senior Consultant
Clinical Psychologist & Psychotherapist, Paras Hospitals.
As the child grows, she starts to associate herself with a
certain set of things. The home environment will influence her and she will
imbibe the thought processes of her immediate family. An environment that
fosters respect for women will go a long way.
Children, who witness their parents differentiating between
them and a sibling of different sex, hold onto the memory for long. They might
also begin to behave in similar ways believing it is right. So it important for kids to be have gender
neutral influences. “The feedback and
encouragement that children receive from their teachers and parents also
educate them about the acceptability of their behaviors,” says Dr Samir
Parikh, Director, Mental Health & Behavioral Science, Fortis Healthcare in
Mumbai.
Encourage your child to be compassionate, irrespective of
the gender.
Stereotypical Role models:
“Families are often based on very strong gender roles. By
observing the varied roles played by parents, and identifying with the same sex
parent, children come to understand gender characteristics, gender roles and
gendered expectations. In other words, what it means to be a boy or a girl,”
Dr. Parikh explains.
Parents also often distribute tasks according to gender.
This should be avoided. Why should only boys run errands or bring out the
garbage, whereas a girl is told to clean the kitchen table or tidy up the room.
Dr Singh says, “On the basis of early experiences one
develops gender schemes which are cognitive structures used to organize
information about male and female genders. Researchers have established that
gender roles are influenced by parents. Expectations from children are called
differential expectations and the rewards or encouragements are referred as
differential reinforcement. Children identify and imitate their parents.”
They grow believing that this is how society works. But you,
as parents, should be supportive enough to break these stereotypes.
Media influences:
All media, that the child is exposed to, plays an important
role in shaping his/her outlook. Books, television shows and cartoons mould the
child’s outlook and expectations. Most media influences are stereotypical which
cast an impression on young minds. There are no rules that claim that for boys
must read Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew is reserved for girls. These are just
social norms followed for generations. Do not judge your child based on
pre-conceived notions and social stigmas. Make her understand that it’s ok to
be different and pursue dreams that do not match the description of her
favourite comic or movie. Being a boy or girl has nothing to do with what she
must do and what she can do.
Keep an eye on what your child chooses to watch on
television. Objectification of women on screen is a bad influence on your
little one. Items numbers, vulgar songs and obscene shows will create a bad
image on their minds. There will be scenarios when you won’t be able constantly
monitor, so it is best to instil in them as sense of respect for the opposite
sex.
Expressing Emotions:
Dr. Anmol Annadate, paediatrician and child psychologist,
emphasises that these gender biases can cause emotional weakness in children.
“Boys who cry are labelled as sissies, whereas a girl who indulges in tough
activities will be referred to as a tom boy; this differentiation does not
allow a child to express his real emotions.”
Power, strength, domination, rage et al, are qualities that
are very male centric whereas love, nurture, warmth, care and submissiveness
are attributed to a girl. These build associations in the minds of little kids
and it can be so extreme that they can me led to believe that violent acts like
rape and domination are justified. It is important to establish positive role
models for your children. Encourage girls to be independent and avoid learned
helplessness. Boys should be taught to be gentle and caring. This will help
them treat women with respect and not as objects of gratification.
School:
Your little ones will now enter a new world where they will
meet more minds like theirs. It is important that they are in the right
company. Teachers are often good role models but if teachers differentiate
between their students, it could be harmful for the kid’s morale. Kids should be encouraged to play all kind of
sports, irrespective of their gender. Who says boys can’t dance and girls can’t
play football! Schools play an important role in establishing gender
sensitivity, especially as all schools are now becoming co-ed educational centres.
Gender equality should be inculcated in the day-to-day practices
of schools and moral traditions should be followed. Modified poems and stories
that break stereotypes is also a solution that many schools and educational
institutes have begun to adopt.
Dr. Gorav Gupta, Psychiatrist, Tulasi healthcare, says,
“Kids need to be educated about sexual relationships. It is important that they
understand that intimacy is not the only form of emotion or acceptance.”
Peers:
As children grow older, their friends begin to influence
them. What they wear, watch and speak comes from varied sources. So if your
daughter has only girlfriends she is bound to be all girly. Knowing the
opposite sex is important to get a better perspective on communication and
grasping individual capabilities. Encouraging friendships between both sexes is
a good idea. It gives them a sense of equality when they realise that they are
no different from the opposite sex.
“Incidences like rape are not gender-specific but
person-specific. This is one thing that children need to be taught so that they
don’t generalise situations. The attitude and thinking of a person makes a
difference” says, Dr. Gupta.
Awareness:
An all-round approach is important. One should understand
that girls need to be made self sufficient but not anti-men. Tolerance towards
the opposite sex is important, after all not all men are criminals and not all
women are clingy.
Children should be taught to freely voice their opinions and
share their fears, so that they don’t hide their true feelings. Discussing
incidences and latest news updates will open their minds to the outer world and
break their bubble, making them more aware of their surroundings. The
understanding that the physical and emotional changes in their bodies are a
good thing is important. They should be proud of their bodies and not ashamed.
“Since we do not have formal sex education in our schools as
yet, it is vital that parents talk to their children about incidences like rape
and make them aware of what is inappropriate behaviour,” adds Dr. Gupta. Bad
experiences shouldn’t guide the future:
Dr. Gupta concludes, “There are times when children draw
blanket judgments on the basis of past experiences and influences. This may
affect their present and future relationships. Sometimes children, who have
been sexually abused or have friends who have been abuse victims, grow into
individuals with personality problems. This could make negative individuals who
have wrong impressions giving rise to more incidences of rape.”
Keep a check on your child’s movement and try to talk
freely. Understand her problems and help her overcome her fears. Children are
very sensitive to your reactions and you should keep a check on yourself while
responding to your child’s sex and gender related queries.
Yourself being a human being, teach your siblings to be a good human being rather than being a good women or a good men.
